Suffering in Silence...

There are many social faux pas when it comes to being ill. One of the "worst" seems to be the fear of complaining. We'd rather suffer in silence and pain than to voice our complaints and have them addressed. It's really a very interesting psycho-social issue, this need to not be seen as a complainer. Part of us seems to expect that those around us should be able to read our minds and meet our every need so that we don't have to admit that we need help.

How is it that complaining got such a bad rap? No human being has been imbued with the power to read another's mind. Granted, when we live with another for long enough, we can resonably predict how that person will react, or what they will say. However, in community we are placed in contact with persons that we don't know well - yet the expectation for mind reading is the same. The expectation from the community is that you'll "buck up" or the current phrases "man up" and "take it like a man". Yet this view only prolongs and deepens our suffering. Isn't there another way that can bring release and healing?

Actually there is, and we need to look no farther than the Psalms. Fully one-third of the 150 Psalms are songs of lamentation. In these we find people shouting full voiced at G-d at perceived wrongs, at the vagaries of fate, at the absence of G-d. Psalm 22 points cries, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" These are not complaints, they are heart-felt longings that require expression. There is no need to hold back from telling G-d that we are hurting or lonely, or scared, or all three. G-d is compassionate, meaning that G-d "suffers with" us.

So, it's likely that there is no lack of a need to bring up our lamentations to one another. The problem is a lack of empathy and compassion on our parts. We view people who raise complaints as people who are somehow unjustified in their view of the world. We lack the insight into their lives, thus we distance ourselves and deman the "other". We cause people to suffer in silence because we do not want to suffer with them - we don't have time or capacity or inclination.

Returning comapssion and empathy to a burdened health care system and faith communities is our mission and vision at Possibilities Journey, Inc (www.possjrny.org). Re-integrating faith communities into the care of all persons will allow for lamentations to be heard and for suffering to be honored and addressed. Come along with us on our trek.

Peace,
Dan